Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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