When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
