totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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