why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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