I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
