speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
