Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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