She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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