I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I queefed so loud it echoed.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
