I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
