i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
