When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
