like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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