Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
