Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You ate ashes out of my bong
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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