OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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