I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
