with your own penis?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
