Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize