Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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