I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
