he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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