We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
