We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
