I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
