just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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