No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
