Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
