you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Shame is for Republicans.
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