No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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