My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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