O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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