Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
