Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
