I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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