I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize