she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
is that a dick in a sweater?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
