you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
