Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
