I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
