there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize