none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
