You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
whose parrot is this?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
