you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize