I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
