What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
