i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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