Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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