This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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