i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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