I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
