I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
