I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize