Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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