The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
