I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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