If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You left your phone here
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