Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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