Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
