I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
