I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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