I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
