Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
