Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
