Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
