Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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