I would go down on you faster than GM stock
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
