Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
