I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
