All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
