I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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