Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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