my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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