Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
