So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
