I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I want to walk on stilts...naked
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
