I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
