We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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