she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I will be naked everywhere
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
