She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
