Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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