Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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