glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
