I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
