vagina is talking i cant
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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