Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
