Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize