So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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