So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
