guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
