it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
As shirtless as possible
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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