are you still at the devil's house?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
