im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
not ubering you a puppy
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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