I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
