he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize