I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Shame is for Republicans.
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