the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
