dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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