Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
