I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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