try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
