I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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