I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I believe in your delicious
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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