i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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